Thursday, October 13, 2005

Just felt like it

I haven't posted in a couple of days and just wanted to post, so I'll just ramble on about a few things. I'll try to ramble in an organized way though, so I'll provide subheadings. (This will probably be LONG!)

In Memory of...
Today is October 13, 2005. My maternal grandmother, Naomi Griffin, died 10 years ago on this date. It's funny because I feel completely different now than I thought I'd feel all those years ago. I am absolutely ok. Of course I MISS her very much, but it's not like I "can't go on" or anything like that. My aunts, uncle and mother (from the last time I saw each of them) all seem to be "fine." Of course, that is relative because my family is CRAZY! :--) I used to think that we'd all come undone. That we'd all lose our minds (at least us "older" ones, like the ones who were, at the time, 12 and up.) But we are all ok! Most of us are still pursuing our relationships with the Lord. (my MaMa was our spiritual "enforcer!") None of us have done anything "too" bad since she died. (I mean, teenage pregnancies and arrests aside, that is!) But thinking about this also makes me think about how time flies! I was a junior at Western when I got the call to come to the office with all my things! I was in this WACK health class on the bottom floor not paying much attention! In fact, I didn't even realize it was my name that they announced over the PA because I was talking! Someone else had to get my attention! I remember feeling like I wouldn't know what to do or where to go with my spiritual questions...although there were PLENTY of other places and people to go to, she was my main source of Godly information. And now, here it is 10 years later and I'm still standing. I'm ok! But my MaMa, I still miss her and I'm even taller than her now! (I used to always tease her about how short she was!)
This is a perfect segue into my next topic...

I am OLD!
It's funny, when you are young, you picture your life one way and then as you start to grow up, you adjust your "vision" of the future. And then you get to adulthood and it's almost nothing like you thought! Ok, so I'm NOT old! I'm ONLY 26, but like I tell the older people in my life who say "GIRL, PLEASE, YOU ARE A BABY," I'm older than I've ever been! And it's not all that it's cracked up to be. I mean, when you are like 13, you say "I'm going to go to college and then graduate. I'm going to be married by 21, start having children when I'm 22, and be finished by the time I'm 28. I'm going to have a dog and a BIG house!" Ok, so when I was 13, I didn't think exactly like that, but by the time I was 18, I'm pretty sure that I did. And at 20, I was CONVINCED I'd be married by 22 and that by 26, surely someone would be calling me "Mommy." But then LIFE happened and now here I am: a boomerang kid working a job that I like only every other Friday with great friends but no boyfriend trying to decide "WHAT NEXT?" I don't think that adults properly ready children for the adult world. Like almost everyone said "enjoy being a kid" but hardly anybody said why. No one said "so you have a degree...so what! that does NOT mean you'll get the job of your DREAMS." I don't think I heard "well, you'll make good money but you'll HATE waking up in the morning!" (but that's because the people I know HATE their job but DON'T really make good money!) Not once did someone say to me "yes, you'll be CUTE and have a good job, no children, LOVE the Lord, do volunteer work, have your own car, be an independent woman BUT still cook, clean and all that other domestic CRAP (and do it WELL I might add) but you STILL won't be able to PURCHASE a date!" I really don't think that being a child prepared me for being an adult! Anyone else agree?
Man, I am GREAT at segues (whoo hoo to ME!)

YAY, TEAM!
So, today is Thursday which automatically starts me to thinking "What am I doing this weekend?" BUT, if I have ONE more weekend that consists entirely of "girls night out" or "ladies pow-wow" or "chillin' with the girls" I WILL scream! As you may have guessed by now, I am not currently involved in a relationship. (this is ANOTHER irony of life. there was a point where I wanted NOTHING more than to be ALONE, basically forever! And now, I think about relationships alot. That's pretty funny!) Even though, I am not involved, at least my sister and one of my best friends are doing pretty OK in that area! (Oh, and another best friend got married earlier this year, so that is definitely a VICTORY for the team!) But back to sis and one of the bff's. They are both in the beginning stages of relationships so YAY, TWO for the TEAM! We (my group of friends) realize that if ANY of our close friends make moves in this area then there IS hope for the rest of us! We aren't all destitute losers who will have to be alone...or worse yet, settle for "Mr. Available and Willing" as opposed to what we really want "Mr. Right for ME!" So, yay team!

4 comments:

Ms_Kenesha said...

Woohoo you are the queen of segues! Girl, who are you telling. You know I didn't think my life at 18 was going to be like it is now. Where's my kid? Where's my most likely to marry rich? Shoot where the heck is my DEGREE! Oh, what this isn't about me and this isn't my blog, so just leave a comment! Jeez, okay...my point is you're doing a lot better than some people with the hubby, kid, etc. Just remember this...WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU, IS FOR YOU!!!!

Tonyette said...

You are right, I am still better off thn some people! So I remember to count my blessings, don't get me wrong! and I LOVE the comments! LOL! Keep 'em comin'

tearsforwater said...

Love the blog. Two for the team and more to come! Enjoy your time alone cause if yours will anything like SW, he will be special as the dickens and will require much patience.

Anonymous said...

Somewhere around 21 to 23 I figured out that adults didn't really know what the heck they were doing either. Instead of being relieved, I remember being so dissapointed by this revelation!

As a child, I wanted to be a grown up. To me, being an adult meant that I could have this and do that. When I finally did grow up some and reached my mid twenties, I was dissapointed to realize that I didn't have this and I hadn't done that. I admit that some of the decisions I made now dictate what I can do and have. I also remember that some of those same decisions were made out of neccessity. Nevertheless, I was pretty disheartened about it.

I, like you, overestimated what adult life would be like. I thought that as adults we would leave behind and not concern ourselves with some of the things I thought of as "petty" in my teenage years. Alas, I was wrong. As adults, we are still caught up with how we look and who has what. I know this because I go to work everday with people who are ten and twenty plus years older than me and they still more often then not (and especially when under stress and pressure) behave just like children.

I do see a change though in people as they get into their 60s. I think this is because people in this age range are really beginning to confront and deal with their own mortality. This confrontation seems to bring about a change in perspective. People in their fities think they have an understanding of this, but they really don't. Those in their 50s are really just beginning to ask the right questions. The real change I think comes in one's 60s.

Life is a journey and no one (except GOd I suppose) has it figured out. Thus, in response to your statement about being unprepared for adulthood, I think that it is completely and utterly impossible for a parent to adequately prepare a child for adult life. Parents just do the best they can and with God's help get us safely into adulthood with at least one very important thing intact... our lives. And, that's okay. It is okay because that is all that we can realistically expect from them before we allow God to step in (with his amazing grace)and order our steps according to his ways.
-- Kiku (turning 30 in 2 weeks and celebrating like crazy)