Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The daycare dichotomy! (An "Adventures in Mom-ing" post)

My Baby Pumpkin is now three! OMG!! She started a new "school" (she now goes somewhere that is "officially" a learning center so we say "school" instead of "daycare") a few weeks before her birthday. She was going to one place that we--her, me, my husband, and our parents--LOVED! She'd been going since she was about 13 months, at the suggestion of an aunt and my cousin who had sent her little one there! It was little Lady Belle loved it from the first time she stepped in the door...until...about a week before she stopped going. (I'll come back to this another time, maybe?!) Fast forward...we are about 3 or 4 weeks into her going to the new school and she loves it!! Again, we all do! Eden's daddy, me, her, and her grandparents...and her godmom and church friends and their parents! Just...errybody! Suffice it to say...where she currently goes ROCKS! (Shameless plug: send your 2 to 5 year old children to Kinder-Praise Learning's in Randallstown, MD! Tell 'em I sent you! Thank me later!!) But...sometimes drop-offs in the mornings still don't go so well. Whenever she has a "bad" drop-off (her, in tears proclaiming how she doesn't want to go to school and how "I want to stay at my house!") makes me sad...legitimately SAD, as in...I feel like I'm failing my child in some way! I feel like I have made a terrible decision! I wanna say "Who cares about work??" and just take the day off so she and I can go home, watch Home (again...for the, probably, 25th time...mind you, we just saw it for the 1st time in July or August), drink juice boxes and eat fruit snacks and chocolate ice cream! But...I remember that she's learning so much and that it's great for her socially and that we don't need any codependence around here! Oh...and that I need to work cuz...bills!

So, let me start back at the beginning! Before we got married, my husband and I tried our best to ask one another questions to ensure that we would be on the same page once we got married! One of those was the "To stay at home or not to stay at home?" (for me! More on THAT point in a minute). We both felt like "nah!". I didn't think I'd want to be a stay at home mom (SAHM)...and he didn't think he wanted his wife to be one. Well, a few weeks before we got married (I mean, literally about 2 or maybe even less)...I suddenly felt like, "Um...I changed my mind and I'd LOVE nothing MORE than to be a SAHM! Bring on the babies so Mommy can STAY HOME!" Well, I started to fret because I knew he'd said that he didn't want his wife to do so. Funnily enough (God is amazing!), he (my the time "husband to be", not God! LOL!) asked me again, like, a DAY after I realized that I had changed my mind. He goes "So, you don't want to be a stay at home mom, right??" I said, "Um...I actually think I do now! don't want me to be a SAHM, right??" His response "Um...I actually think I DO!" So we were both like "YES! Super! We'll discuss this more when the time comes!"

Fast forward to 18 months after saying "I do" and our little baby girl was born! OMG! I felt like "This is my real occupation! I don't know what they're gonna do at my job because I'm never going back!" I honestly never wanted to leave her side. (I literally cried the first time I separated from her. She was about 3 weeks old. My husband said "You've been with her this entire time. She hasn't left your side. I've gone church and the store and whatever. You can go out and do something. Maybe take an hour or so. We'll be OK!" I cried in the parking lot before I pulled off because I couldn't imagine going somewhere without her. I drove to the Wegmans in Hunt Valley. I LOVE WEGMAN'S!!!!! I texted when I got to the store. I texted when I was leaving the store. Mind you, I was only in the store about 30 minutes...and at the time, we lived about 20 minutes from there.) When I returned to work, she was staying at home with my husband. That made it a BIT easier to leave her...knowing that she was home with Daddy. But I still HATED to go! Then...he realized "Naw, I said YOU could stay home. It ain't for me!" So the baby stayed with my mother-in-law (MIL), then a friend's daughter (who loved our baby like her own...but she was pregnant and due soon!) So we looked for a daycare...and I was scared about it! Some STRANGER may be watching my baby! Oh gosh!! (My heart is beating NOW just thinking about if I am doing it now!) But we found the wonderful Ms. Meryl ( Smiles Daycare in's a home daycare! Tell her I sent you! You can thank me later!) She and her assistant the awesome Ms. Niecy (at that time, she's since gotten a new assistant) treated our baby like she was their granddaughter. But I STILL hated to leave her!

Where she goes now...all four of the awesome teachers LOVE the kids...even my little one who is a "newbie"...and she loves them! She really, really does! Even though she has tough drop-off some days, she NEVER wants to leave when it's time to go home! (That was true at her old daycare, too!) So I think that's a great sign! If she were to run screaming from the place, we'd have a problem! She learned so much at her old daycare!! And, she is learning a ton at her new school! But...on the days when she wants to stay home with me...I kinda want her to...just skip work and cuddle with my baby!! (But I need to work cuz we need to eat...and on my telework days, once I drop her off and get back home...I DO kinda do a lil dance cuz I have those hours 'to myself'...except, you know...for the whole WORKING thing! LOL!)

It's still my hope that by the time a second kiddo comes around, we'll be in the position that I can be a SAHM. (That entire sentence was faith in action...but more on that another time!) But...for now, I'll just keep hoping that drop-offs continue to get better and better... like earlier this week, my Pumpkin ran back to me before I left out...but only to give me a goodbye kiss before re-joining the kids for circle time (which includes praise and worship)?!!! So...even though I HATE to leave her, I know she's in good hands!! I've been very blessed in that way!

There are some moms who know "I can NOT stay at home full time!" And there are others who know "I can NOT leave my child's day to day care in the hands of ANYONE else!" Whatever your decision...just make sure it's right for you! And if you have to make an "in the meantime" decision...make sure that you are still OK with that one, too!

Friday, August 12, 2016

Adventures in Mom-ing (1st post)

(I just re-read this and it is long! My bad!)
Hey all!!  It has been a LONG while since I have posted anything! In fact, I think the last time I blogged, my baby was almost 17 weeks...or something like that. And now...we are weeks away from her third birthday! Time flies! (Honestly...whether or NOT you are having fun, time zooms! Can we all agree on that?) In the time away from blogging, I have discovered something: I LOVE talking about all things motherhood! Partially because I LOVE being a mom (like, honestly...God is amazing and He really knows ALL things! He gave me THE BEST first child!!!!!!!!!!!) and partially because I think women need to know that there is support available...and that we are not alone, whether we love motherhood, loathe it or something in between! So, between talking to some friends who are also "new" mothers--they have children under three--and talking to some friends who are expecting (YAY, new babies!), I have decided to start blogging about my "Adventures in Mom-ing"! (As my intro to this blog states, I like to make up words! "Mom-ing" is one of them!) I will make an effort to post more, and not just about motherhood and all the UPS and DOWNS and all the UP-ish DOWNS and all the DOWN-ish UPS, but a good majority will probably be dedicated to raising this true "mini me" (in so many ways) of mine!

So, first...why that name for the motherhood posts? Well, for starters, I LOVED the movie Adventures in Babysitting as a kid! (If you don't know about this movie, we CAN'T speak until you watch it! Now...keep in mind, it's nearly 30 years old and I probably haven't seen it in 20! is the principle!) But I MOSTLY chose that name because, honestly, motherhood is CHOCK full of adventures of all kinds--ones that make you giddily happy, deeply sad, immensely proud, gravely disappointed, and every other emotion possible (and my baby is only 2!)! Some adventures are solely about me/my feelings/thoughts/experiences or outlook as a mom. Others are solely about my Baby Pumpkin, some great thing she did or said or some UN-great thing she did or said. Still others are a mix of both, what she said and then how it made me feel! Like I said, I want to talk about the good, the bad AND the ugly!

So...what is the first adventure? I went over and over, in my head, what to discuss first! Should it be the time I let my baby girl eat cookies for breakfast--relax, I think it was just ONE cookie and that wasn't the ONLY thing she had--or the more than one time she has left my mom's house with no bottoms on (because I have forgotten her bag of extra clothes...or i forgot to restock the bag!)? No...I can talk about those later! Should it be how she is already telling me what she wants to wear (and does NOT want to wear)? Plenty of time for those posts! My first adventure is about JUST that...the fact that this is MY adventure in mom-ing! In the recent past (as in...a few months ago), I came to realize that, although I did NOT think so, I was comparing myself to so many people around me...even as I shouted (internally and externally, figuratively and sometimes, well...) that this is MY child and I am HER mother and we'll do things according to what is best for us and our family...I was still asking certain questions to get validation for certain things I was doing or certain feelings I was having. For example, I am 37 and as previously stated, my Baby Pumpkin will be 3 in a few weeks. When I was getting ready to turn 3, my mom was heading towards her 27th birthday. She also had a newborn son. (As, my brother was born on June 11th and I turned 3 on July 3.) Also, when my mom turned 37, my brother and I were 10 & 13, respectively. Just keep that in mind as I make my point...I had been really tired in the recent past! (I realized I need to TAKE MY MEDS without EVER missing--more on that in another post, perhaps--and that I needed to get back into taking vitamins!) I started asking my mom if she was tired ALL THE TIME when we were younger. She said, basically, "Um, no!" So...I started off, to myself and in defense of myself, with the facts listed above. "She was TEN years younger than I am when I was 2 & 3." "When she was my current age, we were a teen and almost a teen!" I had this entire internal conversation, and it made me realize...I was comparing myself to my mom (like I had done with my mother-in-law, aunts, friends, celebs and whomever else!) But this is MY motherhood...and even if my mom (who was, and still is, a HECK of a mom) was not tired all the time, like I was doesn't matter...because that was HER experience! This is mine! I don't have to feel inferior because my mom had more energy than I did. At the end of the day, I am not my mom (or anyone else)! I knew that in so many areas of my life...but when I became a mother, somehow I lost sight of the fact that comparing myself to anyone else is pointless! Of course I want her advice (and my MIL's, my pastor's, and trusted friends)...but it IS OK to feel however I feel about MY motherhood AND all the happenings therein and thereof!

That's why I plan to blog about this that people can see it is OK to feel however you want! People won't always agree with my decisions, reactions or thoughts...but that's perfectly fine! This space, "Adventures in Mom-ing", is a place to come and see that it's OK if you had to nurse your baby while you were brushing your teeth or if you wanted to cry every time your baby cried when you brought him or her home from the hospital or if you DID cry every time he or she cried! It's OK if you feel like you have the smartest daughter on the planet (like I THINK) OR if you wonder if your son WILL actually grow into his hands & feet like you were told because you "feel some type of way" about having a child with big hands and feet! All are welcome here! Remember, this is a place for the good, the bad and the ugly! Please feel WELCOME!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Blogging aka I'll be back!

It's been months (six, I believe) since I've last posted anything! TONS of stuff is happening in my life...not all good, but not all bad! God continues to be magnificent in my life! My baby girl, the prettiest girl in the entire world, is now nine months and busier than EVER! Whew! I've been in the mood to write...not just blog posting, but maybe poetry, or a short story, or just...words together in some kind of organized fashion. I'm not exactly sure of what or how or when, but I'll be back...blogging, writing, in general, being awesome with words! ;-)

Until then, remember that with man it's impossible, but with GOD, ALL things are possible!!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Time flies

Today is December 31, 2013! Wow! As the title indicates, I'm sitting here thinking about how time flies! I haven't blogged in a while! So, let's see if I can play "catch up" in this posting. My beautiful daughter, the lovely Lady Eden, was born on September 4 at 11:38am. It was a quick and easy delivery. Labor wasn't too bad, either, more discomfort than anything else. My entire pregnancy (though I did develop gestational diabetes) was pretty great and was really an answer to my prayers! Eden has been a joy and delight to raise. Sure, she's only (as of tomorrow) 17 weeks, but hey...those can be tough times for new parents! She's so pleasant and peaceful. She sleeps well (now, for the most part, PRAISE GOD!) and eats even well-er! LOL! I honestly still can't believe that I'm a mom or that my husband is a dad; it's CRAZY! But, it's super! She has made the three of us a family! I mean, sure we were a family before she was born. But...she's added a new and wonderful element.

In 6 months and 3 days, I'll be 35. That is crazy and strange and exciting! I'm looking forward to all that being able to say "I'm 35" will bring! I don't know exactly what, but I anticipate SOMETHING!

In the past year, friends have gotten married. Others are now expecting. Tons of stuff has happened in 2013. I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me, my family and friends.

Happy New Year!

Friday, May 03, 2013

SHE'S on the way!!!

So, as promised, I am back with an update about our BABY!! As you may have guessed from the title, we'll be having a baby GIRL!! Oh my goodness...we are giddy! Though my husband and I kept saying, "We want a boy"...we were THRILLED when the, uh "ultrasound tech"--that's what she is, right??--said, "I don't see any boy parts. I think we have a baby girl!" I think the real joy was just knowing that SHE is real!! Seeing her feet, legs, arms, heart beating (again) and hearing it (again)...knowing her little weight--she's not yet a lb! BUT, it does seem she's already above the average weight of, uh, a fetus, her size--just made it even more exciting! We had already picked out we were prepared, either way. We can now use her name around the house--we have decided not to reveal her name to everyone, probably until she's born. We can say "she" and "her"; it makes it all so real!! A real THRILL, that is!!

Seeing my husband's reaction to & preparation for her brings another level of joy that I, quite honestly, didn't expect to feel! One day, as usual, he called to see how I was doing. I responded & then he asked about "my daughter". Wow! I could cry now just thinking about it! It's an amazing feeling, knowing that he is so ready to love this baby girl that we created! He declared, as I was STILL laying down on the, uh, "sonogramming table?"--seriously, why can't I think of any terms today--that she IS already a princess and that he WILL be spoiling her! Yes, sir! that THAT is all cleared up...!! LOL! Actually, though, it's an incredible thing and I hope that she--and all other girls we have/adopt & raise--will be "Daddy's girls" who will expect nothing less than what their Heavenly Daddy, first and foremost, and their "natural" daddy gave them! Shoot, she'll be my princess, too, and I plan to treat her that way, as well!

Now, admittedly, I'm not known for being the girliest of girls, but...I am looking forward to raising a daughter...sharing with her the same bond that my mother and I have...but still letting it be "our own special bond" and my daughter.I'm looking forward to, and at the same time, nervous as all heck about, loving, teaching, encouraging, supporting, disciplining, guiding and helping to mold her into a woman who loves God, herself, family & friends. I want her to be a woman who knows who she is in Christ and who He created her to be. I want her to know why He made her and her purpose for being here. I don't want her to have to suffer some of the things I had to suffer through, trying to "figure life out". I want her to know she's awesome, from the moment she's born...and never lose sight of that! Anyone who won't foster her "awesome, special, greatness" doesn't get to be around her, point blank! I plan to strictly enforce that and I'm sure my husband feels the same way--but I should probably verify that with ensure we are on the same page! I have, as I'm sure most any parent has, such high aspirations for just be...better than me. I already want more for her than myself. I feel myself changing, knowing that she's coming! It excites me...and has me ready to see what raising her will me, in my husband...even in my mom & parents-in-law, who will all be first time grandparents!

She's a GIRL...and we can't wait to see her!!
21 weeks down...19 to go! (I'm hoping she's right on time! Or a bit early!...Being 41 or 42 weeks pregnant...ain't nobody got time for that!!)

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

18 Weeks!

That's how far along I am in my pregnancy: 18! That means in two weeks, we get to find out if this is a baby boy or girl! That also means in 22 weeks, give or take, my little bundle of JOY will be arriving! My husband and I are thrilled beyond words! I figured that I would be happy when I got pregnant, but I didn't imagine it would be like this! It's so exciting and weird and awesome being pregnant. My body has been, sometimes, all the same, and other times, SO. VERY. DIFFERENT!

Thankfully, I haven't gained much weight. God really answered my prayer with that one! Seriously! I have enough, thank you very much! So, I didn't need more! My doctor actually gave me the OK not to gain any! Since she said that, I first lost seven pounds...but then I FOUND all seven and 1 more! Since she said don't gain any, I've gained one pound! If you ask me, not bad for being 4 and a half months pregnant! I've started wearning maternity clothes, not exclusively, but they've been incorporated into my wardrobe, slowly but surely.

Part of what has made this pregnancy so exciting is seeing how excited other people are for us! People who barely show emotion are gushing all over the place! It's pretty amazing to witness. Folks are talking to my stomach! Some are asking how the baby is or telling me to tell the baby "hi" and other things! It's rather funny!! I'm also touched by it! There are some very loving people in my life and it makes me happy!

Now, of course, there is the TOUCHING issue! I think the fact that most people who know me do know that I'm...rather disinterested in unsolicited touching and already know to be on alert when it comes to touching me, in general, has helped out a lot! Thankfully, no seriously, THANKFULLY, no strangers have even made it seem like they are about to touch! I, honestly, am not sure of how I would handle that...but again, I'm just glad that I haven't had to deal with it so far.

I've tried very hard not to be "all pregnancy talk, all the time"...but it can be hard! :0)

I'm going to try to blog more...and I'll be sure to come back with updates about Baby! At least, for sure, once I know the gender!

Friday, February 08, 2013

The things people do...

I haven't posted in a really long time--LOTS GOING ON (busy at work, husband & I moved...OH AND A BABY ON THE WAY!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!)

I'm hoping to be able to blog more this year...I actually really like writing and would like to do it more often! With that said, I felt compelled to write today!

The last few weeks, well months really, people have been amazing me...and NOT in a positive way! I have been wondering...what drives most people? Why do people do the things that they do?!

I'm convinced that, for some people, it's an unhealthy self-centeredness! What do I mean by this? If "you"--"you" here being anyone to whom this is applicable--are only focused on the things that are happening in your world, and you can't seem to grasp that there is an entire world of things going on around you, you may have an enlarged sense of self. To me, this is different than someone who is just selfish! Selfish people know, for example, that you have a need (maybe money or food), and they don't care. They still won't help, even if they can! Someone who is self-centered, in the sense that I've been talking about, wouldn't even realize that you have a need because, after all, his car needs repairing or her son needs new tennis shoes (sneakers, for those who may not live in Baltimore! LOL!). I see this form of self-centeredness all around me. It worries me and it also stumps me because I'm not built that way. (This is not "horn-tooting"...I'm merely saying that I literally can't understand people who are wired this way.)

Some people, they operate out of the need to please others. It's almost in direct opposition to being self-centered. This need to people-please worries and saddens me...and the funny thing is that I can SO relate to it! I only recently stopped letting myself be driven by the need to please everyone around me. These days, if God is pleased, that's all I need! (Of course, I always make sure that everything I do has my husband's OK, but I don't live my life trying to gain his "approval". What a sad marriage, for ME, if I did!)  Now, if others are happy, that's a latent bonus for me! I see this, the need to please people, all around me, as well. People are buying gifts they can't afford & wearing clothes they don't even like all to gain someone else's approval. I'm deeply grieved whenever I see someone striving for the approval of someone, especially because usually it's someone whose opinion shouldn't matter OR it's someone who probably won't approve, no matter what you do!

I've just been people-watching and doing a bit of people-analyzing...and doing lots of thinking! I don't have any solutions or things to offer, as of for now, this is just thoughts!