Random Spewings

I haven't given up on my quest to get healthier and lose weight--I type this WHILE chewing fries from McDonald's! :0( --but I have stopped posting about it! The interesting thing is that NOW I feel like I'm losing weight! So, that's good news! I am supposed to be cleaning out my "junk room" this weekend! I "remembered" that I have my elliptical! I'm trying to decide if I want to sell it or ACTUALLY start using it again! Decisions, decisions! Oh, and that reminds me, even though there is only about a month left of summer, I really want to find a pool to join! That'll be good exercise and I'll have a lot of fun!

Yes, it's a long title, but that's the subject of this post! I did my BC ("Big chop" for who may not know) six months ago! I no longer have any chemicals to "relax" or straighten my hair! I stopped getting perms about a year ago, I think?! But I got all the permed hair cut out in February. So, for a while there, I had about 4" of hair! It's been an interested six months to say the least, chock full of unsolicited opinions, offensive comments and rude looks, but I'm totally happy with my decision! (I did have a lapse of "I love it" for a minute!) My hair has grown in leaps and bounds and I'm already comfortable enough to have worn my bush--tamed by a headband! No, I didn't go full Angela Davis on 'em--to an interview! I'm proud that I'm doing my best, still, to accessorize and not look like a boy! I think I'm in a groove, now! My friend Ja'Neé has become my twist/braid-ologist! She's the bomb! Now, all I ...

I was taking a look at this other blog of which I was a contributor. I realized I wrote a poem (back when my paternal grandmother was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. But it was inspired by both her and my maternal grandmother.) It's pretty good and I think I'd like to write again! Here it is: A Part of Life People say that "death is a part of life," Like it's supposed to make you feel better, As if it heals the hurt and dries the tears! People say that "death is a part of life," Like it's supposed to be easier to let go, As if somehow you'll sleep better at night! Strangely, it usually does. Knowing that "death is a part of life" Makes me feel a little better. It does, at least, ease the hurt and slow the tears. Knowing that "death is a part of life" Makes me more able to let go And I do sleep a little better most nights. So, "death is a part of life"! BUT, what then, is the dying? Is that also a part of lif...

...of EVERYTHING! Well, that's not true...I'm scared of being great! That seems so BIG to say...but it's true! I don't worry about being left out or being insignificant. I am in a constant quandary about doing something that will cause people to have to, or want to, look at me! So...I don't follow through with moneymaking or award-winning ideas. I hold back intelligent solutions to impossible problems. I shut my mouth when I should scream out loud. I know that I could be a great writer, actress, dancer and singer. I could work well as a (plus-size) model. Heck, I could lose weight and work as a regular model. I could solve mathematical problems and teach the world's children how to read and add. But...I get nervous about it! What's up with that?! This isn't my first time writing about this (I don't think) and I sometimes think "here I GO!" Then, I get scared again! What the heck?! Oh well, I'll keep praying and keep trusting that, throu...

I started a post about my birthday...but I never finished it! Hmm...anyway, I'm 32 years old now! :0) Yay me! Time has sped by but I'm so blessed to have seen these years and I can't wait to see what God has for me as I'm now in my 33rd year of life! I'd like to see, by this time next year, that I have moved along successfully in my baking (and tutoring) business(es), have a job that I LOVE, car and nice amount in my savings! These are all attainable goals and I'm actively working on all of them! Whoot!

So...I've been busy this summer it seems! YAY me! :0) I didn't post this past Friday because I was at the family reunion of my paternal grandmother. I must say that I knew going into the weekend that my eating would probably be "all kinds of whatever!" I mean, it was "cookout food in the South" so I knew I was pretty much doomed! BUT I didn't do too badly! My family offered pork and turkey "barbecue" and I chose the turkey option. (It was REALLY good, too!)I only ate baked chicken. I didn't eat any fried...but I did have a piece of fried fish. I made sure to get vegetables on my plate. Also, I really wanted some Cold stone ice cream, so I didn't have any of the desserts from the cookout! (It was TOUGH not to make a "desserts plate" like I used to do, but I was able to persevere! LOL!) When I got to Cold Stone, I REALLY wanted a "love it" size (or "medium" for those who have never been to Cold Stone Creamer...

I skipped last week (was at a conference with my church) but I'm back this week with some good news! I have a "good decision of the day" two days in a row! The first one is that I finally went to a Zumba class last night! I have some friends who attend and I kept saying that I needed to go. Well, one friend lovingly "called me out" by telling me that she'd been hearing me say "girl, I need to go" for a month or more. So...I finally went! I'm glad that I did, even though a sister was TIRED after a while! But I already pre-paid for my next class! Also, this morning's "good decision of the day" was that I REALLY wanted breakfast from Chick-fil-a or McDonald's, but I chose to eat the yogurt with fruit and granola that I brought instead. Yay, me! I'm getting it together, piece by piece!!

Today, I don't have much to say. I STILL haven't gotten on the elliptical, sadly! Hopefully I'll get the gumption to do so this upcoming week! I haven't had any meat or poultry since Sunday--but that's been more force than choice. More on that another time. I did make dishes that included a lot of fresh vegetables and I've had plenty of fruit as well. I still have some asparagus that needs my attention. I don't really have a "good decision of the day" for today, but I do have something exciting to report! I wore a shirt today, to work, that I haven't worn since last summer. It fits looser than it did last summer! Whoo hoo!

I missed my post on Friday, doing lots of running around, so I'll do it today!! I went to the grocery store on Friday and was very proud of myself! So, my "good decision of the day" was to buy a lot of fresh vegetables and fruits! I bought (hardly) any junk food and I think I can make it on a "less meat, more veggies" diet. My body is reacting very negatively to most meat these days anyway...and I don't even eat much, mostly poultry and fish. And eating out (fast food anyway) seems to be a thing of the past! Oh well, I look forward to all the different things I'll now try because of my mission to get healthy! Next up, I hope that the next post will be me saying "I finally got back on my elliptical"! Yes, I own one! No, I haven't been on it in years! :0( I'm ashamed! But I'll be back on soon! And I think I want to join somewhere so I can swim!

So...I've decided, one and for all that it's REALLY time to get healthy! I do need to lose weight and I want to overall just be healthy! So, inspired by one of my nfew favorite bloggers (and southern friend, at least in my mind, Kimberly each week, I'm going to post something related to this new mission of mine! At first I was gonna call it "Project Get Healthy" but I need to make it my MISSION from here on out! Not only do I need to do this because I'm back up, on the wrong side of 250, I'm a worship-dancer and so it would make sense that I'm in shape! Plus, I would like to, if time allows, get back into modeling. My agent told me a while back that my goal was a "comfortable 14"...clearly I only heard the "comfortable" part! :0) I think that this weekend, I'm going to see how many ways I can creatively cook vegetables! My mom and I have been talking about getting healthier and she was all excited about veggie lasagna! I also d...

So...I finally did it! I've been thinking about cutting my hair and "going natural"--removing all the chemicals from my hair--for years! I said I'd do it at 30! Well, at half past 31, I finally did it! And you know what I've discovered?! It wasn't that deep! I mean, yes, I do have to figure out exactly what products work best for my hair texture and the look(s) I'll want to achieve--sidenote, EVERYONE has a suggestion! Wow! I didn't realize I'd get so many unsolicited comments about hair products! Whoo! I do need to figure out how much into the natural, um, "movement" for lack of a better term, I'm willing to go--I'm not getting locks! I do need to figure out how to maintain my hair--it's SO much drier than I ever realized. BUT it's not a spiritual journey. My life is a spiritual journey! I'm ever on a quest to be closer to God and to be just like Jesus. My haircut is not a reflection thereof! I promise! I do admit to ...

So...it's not spring, but I decided that it was time to start cleaning up! I began washing clothes (but that's such an undertaking for me that I'll be talking about that/doing that for weeks to come!) I gave away some of the clothes that I did clean. I washed all the dishes in my house. I swept most of the rooms and even the steps leading to my part of the house. (I live in a duplex-type situation. Working on making the entire house mine!) I took down pictures/decorations/curtains that my aunt left up. I even removed my months-old weave! ;0) I think the burst of energy to clean came from my inward cleaning of sorts! I made some decisions, came to some conclusions and I'm making some changes! One of them is already in effect! I started school last week. In December 2012, I'll have a master's degree! I'm giving myself until my birthday (day before the U.S.' Independence day, but I do accept well-wishes and love for 30 days afterward! I'm TOTALLY seriou...

Happy New Years, everyone! Yes, it I know it is actually "Happy New Year", no 's'. Only one new year approaches at a time. I usually say that to be funny! Just like I say "Happy Valentimes day" and stuff like that. Anyway, on a more serious note, it's 2011. This is the start of a new decade! I realized, a few days ago, that in this decade, I will turn 40! It put so many things into perspective for me! Last night, my pastor (Prophetess Judy Peart of Crown of Glory Ministries--shameless plug!) talked about time and how, basically, it's SHORT and that it's NOT promised to anyone so we need to get MOVING! I can't keep "prepping" to do what God created me to do. I've got to just do it! It's scary but it's just TIME! So, my "resolution" for this year is "do whatever God says to do exactly when He says it and to get CRACKING on the things He already told me to do!" It's a run-on sentence but it's my ...

Dear Lord, When I "grow up" I wanna be like Oprah! I want people to hear "Tonyette" and a certain sound, or see me give a certain look or just see me coming and be so excited that they can't stand themselves because they know I'm gonna be giving "big". That's my prayer for today! In Jesus' mighty name, Amen! (See...I just saw the introduction to the final "Oprah's Favorite Things" episode. People in the audience saw her red dress and heard those bells and knew what it meant. There was hugging, crying, clapping, "shouting" and all kinds of things! It must be nice to be able to give that "big"!)

So, yeah, I'm at the point, AGAIN, where I'm ready for something new!! I have started to move my feet on a few things, though, thank God...so I'm not just idly watching life go by (as much) anymore!! I have started the Bible study for teen girls and young women that I've been talking about for years now! I've got a website and business cards dedicated to my baking business! I'm starting to travel more again! So...things are slowly but surely getting there!! Ooh, my living room furniture will be in tomorrow! That's BIG NEWS! Once I get that all settled, it'll be time to start looking for some DIY projects! Oh and it's fall now, too, so that means deciding on my wardrobe focuses for the next few months! So...there are some new things coming! I'm looking forward to any bit of newness I can grab onto! What are you looking forward to?!

I just got back from Las Vegas, NV and I must say...this was probably my very best vacation ever! I honestly cried when it was time to leave--although I'm sure a few "life ain't been no crystal stair" tears managed to slip in there! We are already throwing around dates for the next trip!! I'm seriously gonna think long and hard about moving there (again!) Did you know that there's no state tax in Nevada?!

I've decided that I am going to start some D.I.Y. projects. I think my recent move has sparked this interest. I'm very excited!! I'd like to either paint or stain a little table for my bedroom. I'd also like to see if I can make some pillows for both my bed and my (currently NOT purchased) love seat. I want to see if I can decorate my house myself. I think I can; I think I can! I'm excited! I'll try to post progress! Whoo hoo!

This particular post was inspired by my awesome, inspiring, beautiful friend Toya ! She has a posting on her blog and I wanted to write, like, a 500-word essay but that's her blog, not mine...so I had to try to keep my comments "short"! Her post got me thinking about being a liturgical dancer, what "ministry" really means and my place in the world! This post may just be a "brain dump" so please follow along as best you can! :-) Well, I should probably start with this: I have been a liturgical dancer for, I think, 8 years now. It all started at my former church when the director of the dance ministry asked if I wanted to join the group! At the time, it was comprised of three formally trained dancers who were svelte and, well, seemed like "dancers". I was, at the time, 250 pounds and, at 22, hadn't danced with any kind of group or "formally" since about 3rd grade. The funny thing, I'd wanted to join them for a few months by t...

Life changes...a lot, sometimes rapidly! It sucks so bad sometimes! God is good and I'm strong, but still, man... I feel like Monica sings, "whatever don't kill you makes you stronger, well I must be the world's strongest woman"!! Monica, girl, I hear that!! The first time I heard that song, I said "I KNOW that's right!" The word says (1 Cor. 10:13) that God will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able...and I feel like "God must trust me tons and tons!" But again, He's good and I'm strong! So there's that! So...we'll see what prayer, faith and time will bring me as I continue to wait on God and His promises! I have no choice but to wait anyway, right?

I haven't written in a few months so I think today I'll post a few things! First of all, I realized that I really like to sing! Certain songs just make me wanna belt out the lyrics at the top of my lungs! Right now, I have "Even Me" by Crystal Aiken on repeat. I want to get up and sing as loud as I possibly can and probably cry and scream afterward! But, because of where I am, it's not feasible! :-( Oh well! I'll lip-sync extra hard, then!